I fucking hate this crap
I hate studying and i so wanna give up.. Actually i think its me im hating and not anything else, but im blaming on everything else except me, as usual.
My paper is in 2 weeks and i still know nuts about what im supposed to know. I supposedly planned to keep this weekend free to learn Integration but i ended up partying with my sis and her hall mates last night, i wasted the whole of today stoning and now im trying to study on my own but its killing me because i dont know what im reading and its making me so annoyed and pissed i wish i never applied for uni and i so wanna give up already.
I dont know why im actually forgoing my career in Barclays just to get this damn degree cert when everyone else is getting this degree because they wanna look for a good job after which. I already have a job in a reputable bank with a good income but im in the midst of quitting it to get the damn cert, kinda stupid isnt it?
Should i just give up the papers and continue staying in this fcked up job and ignore everything else? I dont know ..
All i wanna do, is to.. play mahjong and have fun and not fret over exams and studying. If i cant even get over and done with bridging, how am i gonna even get over and done when the real semester starts? UOL is so much worst than what im studying right now.
I cant concentrate and focus on what i should be prioritising and i hate it but i cant seem to be able to do it.
Fucking hell, im so screwed
I know i know, i havent been updating like how i thought i would be because ive been soooooooooooooo busy with....
- work, which i think i might be handing in the letter really soon
- school, yes finally time to get down to some serious studying which ive been procrastinating for the longest time. Its only bridging and its killing me already. Thank goodness i have yx!
- mahjong, as usual, just trying to get some extra moolah for my neverending buys and of cos to past some time off my weekends
and i think thats about it.
Its only 3 major events running concurrently and im sooooooo swarmed, i feel as though i have no time to sleep and i wake up only an hour before work each day just so i can get the extra snooze and daddy have been so nice (which i dont know why, and i dont intend to know why) to chauffeur me to work everyday for the past 3 weeks. gagawoolaalaaaaa
And just some random updates ........
i plucked out my lash extension again and feeling oh-so-horrid everytime i look into the mirror.
i promised my bro to help him model for his new blogshop and i hope i can do it well because i dont want his business to go down just because of my big fat arse in those pictures and of cos i can get to buy clothes without it being OOS. hehe
i've booked the hotel in Hong Kong and i cant wait for May to arrive!
I love May, i always do! Despite it being the month of the exams since primary school, i still love May because... its my parents' anniversay = yumyum food in my tumtum, plus its my birthday month (though i never fail to cry on my birthday but i guess i still love it) and this time im going HKG with muimui. yayyyyyyyy
On a side note, i wish April never come, because this April someone is leaving and i think i'll really really miss his presence. Sigh.... somehow or rather, and i dont know why, but i think he's quite important in my every day life. Its not like..that serious and important, but still... quite a figure. I think i'll really miss him. Sian, makes it even harder for me to stay on, hence the determination to throw in the letter, but then again... gotta really think it through before i make any move, just to be on the safe side.
And... my bff is back in SGP but he is not contacting me and it freaking annoys me because he is not acting like my bff anymore. I am so sad, i think he's into a new relationship and totally chucking me aside and i am not contacting him too because he makes me so sad. Must find new bff already lah!
I'm in such a dilemma cos I don't know if I should meet Jay now or go for Mj game later.. It's been more than a year since I went out with Jay and the other two as though on a couple date.
My Mj kakis will kill me cos they been asking for game since ytd..
I think I'm just gonna meet Jay now for a while then go for game. Even being out with him for 2 hrs would make me happy.
Gosh, I suck.
because..
Nobdy is perfect
Nobdy is indispensable
Nobody is flawless
Nobody is happy forever 24/7
Nobody is troubled free
Nobody is stress-free from work
and
Nobody has all the answers to every questions
But,
I dont want to be nobody to you ..
I should start loving my body before its gone ..
You know how i always say i hate having regrets so i always try not to have any and now i really really hate myself for giving into temptation, the wrong way.
I totally hate what im going through right now ..
God, i know i havent been thinking much of you for the longest time and i blame you whenever things dont happen right. But right now i need you so much, please take away this pain from me, take away my sufferings. I promise i'll be a good girl from now on.. please let me recover .. soon ..
* yours truly.
amber.ruoxuan\\twenty\
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20051987\\single\\operations analyst @ credit suisse\\friendster*
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